oh

this is still here. i ate cake for breakfast. woo!

Spilling

Feels very strange that I haven't been here since September. I had a cluster of Etsy sales and it was exciting for a moment but then came in my long-time pal Dread or maybe it was Fear. The items wouldn't be good enough. They could get lost in the mail. How did these people find me even though I hadn't updated my Etsy store for quite a while? Is this box pretty enough? Will the buyer be offended by me because I recycle packing envelopes? Problem is, I don't know. There was no communication back from the buyers. Fear was feeling validated.


I would like to say I have been in a funk for months. Truth is I've been battling major depression and anxiety. I'm not even looking at Etsy, buying Etsy items, ordering or purchasing beads. Okay, I did purchase a few beads here and there but they are now covered up by laundry. LAUNDRY. Shame on me!

I did force myself to take a night class here at MSUB. It's very challenging and I came close to dropping it several times. The class is Introduction to (Adobe) Illustrator. Now my good friend Obsession has stepped in. My projects must be perfect and exceed any expectations. Myself, the instructor's, co-workers, and of course the entire class. Completely absurd thinking.

This is the pain. Knowing how absurd and irrational my diseased thinking is but continuing to act it out.

Now that I am a student, not just an employee, of this university, the student art club would like me to help out. They are in dire need of help for their auction but all this mind trouble is bubbling up. What if I ruin my relationship with the students? How could I really help since I am not an art major? I'm so tired of working two jobs and taking a night class. Where will I get this energy? Why can't I fight the good fight anymore?

I can't stand it when somebody will call me an artist or say that I am artistic or creative. That's a lot to live up to. Whatever that would be. Navigating a gauge of how much 'artistic ability' meets a quota or standard. What is that?

What is that?

I believe this is a core issue. Seriously, what is it? Then followed by the all-consuming 'why is this even important?'

There is no magic pill or mantra.

I received my Stringing magazine yesterday. The jewelry pieces are very unique and push boundaries that I might not think of ever doing. It's strange. People have commented that my jewelry is strange or weird. I get sensitive and then feel confused. I do want my jewelry to be 'different' and filled with unique components. But for the past 6 months, that just isn't good enough.

Thanks to the Internet, I can meander through thoughts without a concise conclusion

Nick Light

I can't stop sneezing and my back hurts right between the shoulders. Finally getting a sneeze out feels good but then there is a stabbing pain on my back. It's a win/lose situation here!


What does this have to do with my oldest dog? Nothing!


Nicholas doesn't walk around much since he's now 98% blind. For some reason he wondered into the 'craft' room and plopped down in a small wedge of sunlight. It's bittersweet. He's very old but he still has that Boston Terrier spunk.


He's been my best buddy for 8+ years. I want grow old with him. Buy a house and have a lawn of our own.


Nicholas sleeps for most of the day. However, he still greets me when work is done and I'm done with people. He jumps, barks, and of course attacks Henry Fonda (the dog not the actor), all to impress me and say "Hello".

Found Parts

Over a year ago, some students decided to perform what they believed to be "guerilla art". For me, it was an annoyance and a huge pain in the ass to remove. An old television with the wood casing, possibly from the early 70's, had faux vines and plants weaving in an out of broken areas and sat in the middle of our main gallery. The lack of imagination irritated me. Ok, it was because I was the person that would have to clean up their half-baked idea. I still don't know who did it!

I decided to add my touches to the "piece". Printed papers of sardonic views on the fantasies of secretaries portrayed by our media culture, frustration about the giant television sitting in the middle of main gallery, and tape wrapping the television to "bind" the damn thing. I guess I'm still irritated by the act.

Eventually, I decided to take it apart. I found all sorts of neat do-dads inside. I wasn't sure what I would make of them. There was so much inside that I wanted to take but to remove the items would have destroyed them.

I was able to salvage a handful of pieces. It wasn't until last night I found a purpose for a few of them. Inspired by the pieces from Melanie Brooks' ceramics, some of those salvaged do-dads found a home within a necklace. Melanie's pieces contain impressions into clay by the use of hardware, tools and toy train parts. The focal piece feels like an old factory window looking into what housed the machines that created the parts I had salvaged. Her orange square connectors matched an orange television tube so perfectly. Very cool ceramics.

Then, I found a chain I had stashed away. A great gunmetal chain that has an industrial or bike chain look. I wish I could remember where I bought it.

I can't decide if I want to re-do the whole piece. The stones were put in because I have a difficult time creating jewelry without some gemstone beads. I keep thinking they are out of place in this necklace but then I feel that the stones somewhat represent the origin of the television pieces.

"...Man against Nature. Nature against Man..."

Beads 1-Up

"1-up (or “1UP”, 1-UP” etc.), pronounced "one up", is a term in console video gaming that commonly refers to an item that gives the player an extra life, to complete the game."

I was trying to think of a label other than repurposed, upcycled, or recycled since these beads are a little more than such descriptions. Magazines and (s)crap papers are cut and rolled. I can't imagine the amount of patience it would take to make a bead like this at home. SCREW THAT! Just buy 'em.

It's pretty awesome how the beading community and industry is getting on board with the 'green' movement. I often wonder where my beads come from, especially stones. If I see something that notes the origin as Madagascar, I keep away.

However, you don't always know the entire story. You probably wouldn't want to. I guess that could apply for most products.

RANDOM!

Here's an older picture of my little old man Nick looking worried. The camera red eye adds a little extra something to his emoting.

'membering

I was at Debbie's house the other day to check out a door she's thinking about refinishing. We went to a local hardware store to look at paint swatches. Oh How I Love Looking At Paint Swatches. Debbie probably thought I was getting a little kooky.
I was trying to explain some faux and decorative painting techniques I had done when living in Dallas, Texas. Then, DUH! I remembered I had some badly scanned photos saved to an internet site.

These are some of the stencils I did for clients where they wanted the original antique wallpaper design but tweaked to their new color palette. So many base layers, then stencil layers, and then color washes. The first picture is a dining room and it took me two weeks by myself. So much anxiety in the measuring and scaling of the design. Luckily I was able to meet the design up perfectly in a corner.




The mystic blue hallway. One of my favorites because it was so fun. Time consuming but fun. It's a finish that just can't really be captured on film. The first step was PRETTY scary looking. A lot of soft blues, a deep blue and a cream just blended up in a spotty way. Then layers of pearl finish and metalic paints. Then some soft metalic flogging and burnishing. Pretty crazy stuff. One of the clients college aged daughters asked if I knew what I was doing. Hehe!

It was often difficult to talk to clients who didn't know what they wanted, how colors worked together, or even how light and shadows affect colors. So many samples would have to be made. Not an easy job but I do miss it. Although, I don't think I could handle doing it fulltime again.

Sunday! New Beads, New Necklace

I'm sitting here and listening to the guy trying to describe yellow. Words like:
"Larve, jaundice, puss, grandma's teeth, grandpa's toenail, egg beaters yellow, is this butter still good yellow. I'm trying to think of things that sound classy. Don't ask don't tell yellow. Glow ball isn't perfect either. I do think that, well, man, I dunno."

This is the help I get. Now my mind is distorted about yellow. Great!
I would describe the yellow in these as pale pear or chartreuse yellow. I really like these colors next to dusky brown or warm grey.

I love this chain but I don't think I can find anymore. It was an orphan piece in a grab bag of mixed brass.